DrunkenWriter (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} rustyimmelman) wrote,@ 2006-01-04 01:07:00 |
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Good Omen
I'm no stranger to what I'm about to describe to you, but tonight was a new record for it, especially considering that I hadn't had anything to drink today.
For the last several days, I've been in the grips of a somewhat severe depression; sleeping a lot, not getting the mail regularly, not practicing, etc. I've chalked it up to recent events and the fact that I've gone off my medication (which I'll be getting a refill of tomorrow). Regardless, tonight, I woke up after my now regular mid-evening nap (which has been getting longer each day since Christmas) and lay flat on my back, listening to the radio. I felt fine, very relaxed, at peace with the universe and everything. And then I knew that I was going to vomit.
I'm very good at vomiting. To know oneself, especially in this instance, is truly to know God; much pain and hardship can be avoided simply through practicing, and I regard having gotten it down to a science one of my better special abilities.
So I waited, and waited, and waited, laying there on my back, until I knew exactly how long I had before it was truly going to come. Then I walked calmly to my cold bathroom, assumed the position, and went at it with the clinical precision of a concert pianist. I hadn't had anything to eat since six, and I brought up liquid.
Once again, let me remind you that I am no stranger to what I am about to tell you.
By the third smooth heave, I knew I was bringing up blood. A lot of dark blood. I knew this because, while my efforts were productive, they were getting harder and more intense to produce.
Finally, the last heave produced the gem: the largest blood clot I've ever brought up. Bright red, thick, and syrupy, it floated like a micro-galaxy in the newly-flushed toilet water. It was about the size of two Mickey's Big Mouth caps stacked on top of each other. I stared at it with a mixture of relief, pride, and abject horror.
Fortunately for me, though, I no longer care about much, not since she left, not since the new year. Personally, I regard it as a good omen.
I'm no stranger to what I'm about to describe to you, but tonight was a new record for it, especially considering that I hadn't had anything to drink today.
For the last several days, I've been in the grips of a somewhat severe depression; sleeping a lot, not getting the mail regularly, not practicing, etc. I've chalked it up to recent events and the fact that I've gone off my medication (which I'll be getting a refill of tomorrow). Regardless, tonight, I woke up after my now regular mid-evening nap (which has been getting longer each day since Christmas) and lay flat on my back, listening to the radio. I felt fine, very relaxed, at peace with the universe and everything. And then I knew that I was going to vomit.
I'm very good at vomiting. To know oneself, especially in this instance, is truly to know God; much pain and hardship can be avoided simply through practicing, and I regard having gotten it down to a science one of my better special abilities.
So I waited, and waited, and waited, laying there on my back, until I knew exactly how long I had before it was truly going to come. Then I walked calmly to my cold bathroom, assumed the position, and went at it with the clinical precision of a concert pianist. I hadn't had anything to eat since six, and I brought up liquid.
Once again, let me remind you that I am no stranger to what I am about to tell you.
By the third smooth heave, I knew I was bringing up blood. A lot of dark blood. I knew this because, while my efforts were productive, they were getting harder and more intense to produce.
Finally, the last heave produced the gem: the largest blood clot I've ever brought up. Bright red, thick, and syrupy, it floated like a micro-galaxy in the newly-flushed toilet water. It was about the size of two Mickey's Big Mouth caps stacked on top of each other. I stared at it with a mixture of relief, pride, and abject horror.
Fortunately for me, though, I no longer care about much, not since she left, not since the new year. Personally, I regard it as a good omen.
